Have you had your daily dose ?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

NEWS OF THE FUTURE: Dogspunk, telling you what will happen, one story at a time.

Unite, my brothers and sisters, and fight the tyranny of the news media that only tells you what has happened but never what is going to happen. That is why your friends here at DogSpunk work tirelessly for at least 2 or 3 minutes per day to bring you the news before it actually takes place. After all, just because something hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it isn’t newsworthy.

In today’s edition, I plan on making fun of our president. Basically because it’s fun and he’s an easy target. Enjoy!

Ex-White House Aide Arrested in Refund Scam

Claude Allen, a former Bush aide, was arrested this week and charged with swindling $5000 from several department stores in a refund scam.

He would allegedly bring in receipts for items he never purchased and attempt to collect money. Items included a home theater system, clothes, and an assortment of other inexpensive objects.

Mr. Allen was at one time considered an “up and comer,” being among the highest ranking African-American Republicans in the country.

President Bush will be going on record at a press conference shortly to announce he has never met Allen in his life. When the floor is opened up for questions, a reporter will ask, “Mr. President, how can you say you have never met this man? He was a former aide of yours.” Bush will respond by asking him to prove it. The reporter will show him at least a dozen photographs of the President taken with his former adviser. Bush will say, “Hey, just because I had my picture taken with him doesn’t mean I know him. Heck, I get my picture taken all the time with colored people. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t even like negroes. Kanye West could have told you that. Next question.”

Iraq Plunges Into Civil War

Thousands of Iraqis will be killed next month as the country regresses into all-out civil war. President Bush will be informed of the bloodshed, but will be too busy reading a children’s book to toddlers to make much sense out of it.

In a related story, he will struggle with the pronunciation of the words “pet” and “goat.”

President Bush Seeks Third Term

The President will announce in public that he will seek another term of the Presidency next year, only to be told the term limit for Presidents is limited to two.

Bush will respond, “Two? You mean I’ve been sitting on my ass all these years doing nothing and now I can’t even get reelected? What is going on here?”

Later, the President will realize that holding up three fingers and saying, “this many,” is hilarious.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,


Post a Comment

<< Home