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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

NEWS OF THE FUTURE: (Hey, it hasn’t happened yet, but it just might!!)

Hello everyone! It’s your newest pal Jason KB here at DogSpunk bringing you the first of what I hope will be many editions of “News of the Future.” The point is simply this: to predict what is going to happen in all things news and entertainment, spin it around, then punch it in the face with a fistful of funny. Ready? Here we go...


Item #1 Brokeback Mountain Wins the Best Picture Oscar

After learning of the film’s Academy Award victory, President Bush raises the terror alert level to red and calls a press conference in which he announces that intelligence reports have surfaced which suggest Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger are working for Al-Qaeda.

Bill O’Reilly covers the story during his nightly “Talking Points Memo” and talks live on-air to military strategists (read: paid Fox News analysts) who feel we should launch a preemptive strike on Hollywood. Use of the atomic bomb is mentioned sporadically as a possible option.

Rush Limbaugh, in an uproar over the film’s success, spends a great deal of his next radio broadcast blaming the liberal media for everything from his drug addiction to his second and third chins. With tears streaming down his face, he abruptly signs off in the middle of his show, rushes home and snorts approximately 300 Oxycontin pills and drops dead. The autopsy report later mentions 75 pounds of undigested Arby’s roast beef in his colon and, oddly, 6 oz. of his own semen in his stomach.

O’Reilly calls the report “yet another attempt by the Liberals to discredit and humiliate an otherwise fine, upstanding, human being.”


Item #2 Gwyneth Paltrow Gives Birth To Second Child

After a brief labor, Paltrow and rocker husband Chris Martin welcome a beautiful, bouncing, baby boy into the world. Weighing in at just over 7 pounds, the child is named Orange Speed of Sound Rockadoodle Martin. This infuriates Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who issue a joint statement accusing their fellow entertainers of “purposefully trying to come up with a name stupider than the one we were planning to give our child.”


Item #3 Mitch Albom’s Third Cousin, Twice Removed, Dies

Mitch Albom, acclaimed sportswriter and author of “Tuesdays With Morrie” and “The Five People You Meet in Heaven,” experienced a tragedy when his third cousin, twice removed, was found dead of natural causes. Albom admits to only meeting him once, when he was “like 6 or 7,” but still says the loss has hit him hard.

Never one to allow grieving to interfere with his ability to make money, Albom plans on capitalizing on this death to release two more books. The first, due next fall, is a sequel to a previous novel and will be called “Wednesdays With Morrie.” The second, which will be based on memories of his cousin and hit bookstores in 2008, is tentatively entitled “Cha-Ching: Remembrances of Someone I Met Who is Dead Now.”


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Lawsuit Brought Against Random House and Dan Brown: A Case of Intellectual Theft, or Simple Jealousy ?

A trial began in England Monday as the result of a lawsuit brought against Random House, publisher of the controversial bestseller The Da Vinci Code, by American author Dan Brown.

Two British authors, Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh, allege that Brown lifted a substantial amount of information and the principal theme from their 1982 nonfiction book The Holy Blood and Holy Grail, also published by Random House.

The lawsuit could potentially affect future sales of The Da Vinci Code and halt the release of its film counterpart, scheduled to open at the Cannes Film Festival in May and open in theatres shortly after.

Though Brown admitted using Holy Blood as one of many historical references for his work, he
has denied that Baigent and Leigh's ideas served as the basis for the central theme for The Da Vinci Code.

Both books present the controversial idea that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married and had a child. However, the stark difference between both books is that Holy Blood, a nonfiction book, proposes the theory that Jesus did not suffer crucifixion and instead lived the rest of his days in France.

Is it possible that Baigent and Leigh are simply irked by the fact that their book wasn't as popular 25 years after it was published, and Brown was successful in popularizing ideas that weren't even theirs to begin with ?

If anything, they should be thankful. A reporter in an E! Online report said that the attention brought to the British authors by the lawsuit has catapulted their book to number nine on the Amazon top sellers slot, only five slots beneath The Da Vinci Code.

Also, the British media have pointed out that Leigh Teabing, a character in Brown's book, is an anagram of Baigent and Leigh's names. But should they be irritated by this, or should they be flattered at the possibility that Brown was paying tribute to their contributions to his fictional religious thriller ?

If Brown has to make any concessions as a result of this lawsuit, it should not affect the release of the motion picture later this year. There is no reason why the public should be deprived of one of the year's most eagerly anticipated films because of a ill-inspired courtroom spat brought on by two men that reek of fear of becoming irrelevant (as if their wacky ideas do not already affect their credibility).

If anything, a reasonable settlement would be for Brown to include a list of references that he used in writing his book, emphasizing the importance of Holy Grail. Perhaps that would placate Baigent and Leigh. However, if they were to ask for anything more, it would only reveal their true motivation and pathetic nature of their lawsuit.

Their case may be strong in the sense that the books share similar ideas. Nevertheless, it does not erase the fact that the idea of a married and procreating Christ was not theirs to begin with.

References and further reading:

E! Online: "Da Vinci Code" Opened in Court

Reuters: Dan Brown in court for Da Vinci Code copying case

Kornbus adds:

"This isnt a whole lot different from Check Wepner trying to sue Sylvester Stallone a few years back because Stallone watched Wepner fight (Muhammad) Ali and (he believed) that's how he got the idea for Rocky.

Wepner was just pissed because he wasn't important anymore. Stallone had made millions. But it's not like Stallone plagiarized Wepner's life story. He simply watched a fight and got an idea. You can't sue someone for that."

Technorati Tags: DogSpunk, Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown, Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh, Holy Blood, Holy Grail,
Holy Blood and Holy Grail, Jesus, Christ, , Mary Magdalene, Leigh Teabing, lawsuit, Court Case, Random House

Monday, February 27, 2006

And DogSpunk Was Born

Welcome to DogSpunk, the blog where you will soon be able to turn for a cynical, sarcastic and comedic outlook on the latest in the world of economics, movies, music, politics, internet and social trends, religion, sports, technology, and much more.

Let's face it - reading the news can be boring as hell. The media doesn't realize just how hilarious news could be if they looked at current events with just a little bit of a comedic edge. That's where we come in. We'll take away all the bullshit and give you what you really want - news analysis that makes you laugh.

We hope you enjoy our blog as much as we enjoy writing it. In fact, we know you will. Soon, you'll be coming back daily, because no day is ever complete without a dose of DogSpunk.


Technorati Tags: DogSpunk, Sarcastic, Cynical, Comedic, Politics, Internet, Social Trends, Religion, Sports, Technology, Parody, Humor, Humour